Marriage is a great institution that must be
understood deeply. It is wider than what many have been made to believe. Your concept of marriage goes a long way to determine your joy in it. One great truth I have come to learn in having a successful marriage is LIVING BEYOND SELF.
Living beyond self is simply holding your marriage institution in a very high esteem beyond and above your personal ambitions. It means been prepared to a great sacrificial adjustment in order to accommodate your partner and subsequently your children.
Furthermore, it means been prepared to sacrifice any idea, goal, vision, ambition etc. that would be detrimental to the health and unity of the marriage. In short living beyond self means a personal disintegration of self in order to integrate with your spouse.
Years back, the Holy Spirit told me the number one problem in marital harmony is SELF. Self interest, self centredness, self willed, selfishness etc. Couples must understand why they quarrel often or even divorce is just the expression of self-I MUST HAVE IT MY OWN WAY NOT OUR OWN WAY.
In marriage, when a partner is so full of self, it's difficult for harmony to exist in such a home. That day you said I DO is the same day you lost freedom to total self-expression. You are no longer a FREE ENTERPRISE but a JOINT FREE ENTERPRISE with your partner. Your freedom is now a function of your partner's agreement and support,
The painful truth is this, even though couples have married, they still want to live separately exercising their personal wills and making personal decisions. If you desire such wanton freedom, you don't need to marry. Just remain single and have it your way. There is no way you can do such and enjoy your marriage. The conflicts will be more than your imagination.
Couples must understand the meaning of the marriage rings they put on their fingers. It is a symbol of spiritual, mental and emotional bond between them. It is saying, "I HAVE GIVEN YOU MY LIFE AS YOU HAVE YOURS TO ME ALSO. "If couples understand this simple truth, you won't play with your spouse's life in your hand via living a self-conceited life.
Self equals pride which is the bane of many homes today. WHY DO PEOPLE FIGHT AND QUARREL OFTEN IN THEIR MARRIAGES?One partners decides to put self-interest above the union's interest. WHY DO COUPLES DIVORCE TODAY?One partner decides to do things that are detrimental or against the partner's consent. When you make up your mind to live beyond self, you are prepared for great marital harmony. Whatever you do in the secret or open can have negative or positive impact on you family.
I was looking at my son few two years ago when he was three and I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit saying, "This son of yours is you. He is a projection of you because he came out from you. The life you live will affect him also. If you want him to have a happy future, live that life before him. Mind the life you live in the secret because if it is negative, a familiar spirit will use it to affect his life and future. "That was a strong one to jolt my being to choose to live beyond self.
Are we surprised that many couples' marriages ends up like their parents'?Is the current pattern in your marriage not similar to your parents' own?You need to break that pattern before it ruins your marriage and possibly your life.
I came from a polygamous home. My dad had three wives. Hmm!!!. What a great fit. I grew up with my mum. We visit my dad on holidays. He comes to our house once or twice a month. Spends two to three hours and zooms off. What a marriage!Never knew the love of a dad first hand. I have had to fight against promiscuous thoughts, taking a second wife suggestions or keeping concubines, critical spirit, fault finding attitudes, selfishness, ego etc. in my life and marriage.
Glory!My new birth experience in Christ and my subsequent spiritual growth, knowledge, submission to The Bible's teachings and the Holy Spirit have really helped me. Also, my understanding about living beyond self has really helped me to maintain a stable joyful home.
When you understand that marriage is a divine institution ordained by God you would be afraid of desecrating His holy name in your marital union as a believer. When pride is broken, self becomes weakened. You can have a lovely home different from your parents'. Think about the future of your wonderful kids. Live for them. Above all, live for God and eternity. Your marriage will work if you decide to let go of your acclaimed rights and unite with your spouse to do what is right for the union and not for an individual. It's easy if you will let go of your ego and pride. You can do it today. God help you.